If you get the feeling that your partner is hiding something from you, it can make you feel constantly on edge, uneasy, agitated and even paranoid.
Trust is the cornerstone of every successful relationship, and honesty is the key to build trust between you and your significant other. After all, there should be no secrets between partners, right?
Well, not quite.
It is easy to get caught up in negative emotions when you feel like your partner is hiding something from you. However, it is important to recognize that despite being in a relationship, you are still two distinct and separate beings with equal rights to withhold or disclose any information from anyone or to anyone – and that includes each other.
Signs Your Partner is Hiding Something
Maintaining a healthy level of individuality is important in making a relationship work. Having recognized that, let’s address why you may feel like your spouse is hiding something from you, and what you can do about it.
Changes in Routine
When you enter into a relationship, you get to know your significant other on a level that no other person is able to. You get to notice the patterns of their way of living to the minutest detail – when they wake up, when they sleep, what they say, their work and life schedules, the manner and frequency of their communication, their phone usage, even the way they dress and the way they smell throughout the day.
These patterns are also present in the things you do as a couple, such as domestic chores, cuddle time, and sex. So when these patterns get disturbed for any reason and your partner does not offer any explanations why they are changing things up, you would naturally become concerned, and may even think that they are hiding something that caused the sudden change.
Your intuition usually tells you when something is up and, if you pay attention to your partner in normal life, your initial thoughts are often correct.
Suspicious Behavior
When the changes in your partner’s behavior go beyond small switches in routine and become drastic and even hostile, it would trigger suspicion that your significant other is hiding something from you, and may actually warrant action sooner than later.
Some suspicious behavior that you might notice would be willfully being vague about where they are going or their current location, avoiding spending time with you, being overly protective of their phones and computers, unexplainable and prolonged absences, refusal to communicate, being too involved in work or other activities, constantly heaping blame on you, lying, and changes in their sexual habits and your sexual relationship.
While all of these seem to spell out that they may be doing something bad behind your back, they could actually be unspoken distress signals that indicate their need for your support and understanding, such as mental and physical health issues, trauma, and other things.
You Hear Rumours
One of the worst ways you can find out something is amiss is by hearing rumours from friends, family or colleagues about your spouse. Sometimes these can be easily explained and can even be exaggerated by people who tend to be quite dramatic anyway. Other times they can be significantly more concerning and it can be difficult to see a rational explanation.
Money Goes Missing
When you misplace some money and/or feel like you have less than you usually do, this can often be a one-time innocent thing. Usually it’s just because you forgot about that expense that came out of your account this month, or the thing your partner already told you they were taking some money for.
However, if you consistently feel like your money is going missing and the tracks appear to be well-covered, this could be a cause for concern.
They’re Always on Their Phone But Are Secretive About It
If you see that they’re always on their phone but hide it when you approach, this can ring alarm bells. It could be something really trivial, so be sure not to react too strongly, but it could also be something a little more sinister.
You might ask them who they’re talking to and they can sound a little unconvincing. It might also have started out of nowhere and gone on a lot longer than you were expecting. If you don’t feel satisfied with their explanation, it’s a normal cause for concern.
What Could my Partner be Hiding from Me?
There are all sorts of things your partner could be hiding from me, many of which are fairly innocent. Sometimes those things can be a little more serious and can have bigger consequences for the relationship. It’s not always that they are cheating or that they arethinking of leaving you it’s important to keep your mind open to all of the possibilities. Here are some of the potential things your partner could be hiding from you:
- They are planning a surprise party or present for you
- They think you will overreact to something relatively harmless
- They have a sensitive medical issue they don’t wish to share
- They have an addiction
- They are thinking of leaving you
- They are having an affair
- They are having financial issues
- They have an illness
- They have lost their job
What to Do
If you feel like your partner is hiding something from you, avoid succumbing to an immediate emotional response. Instead, take a step back, look at the bigger picture, pay attention to the things you might have missed, and evaluate: are your suspicions justifiable, or now that you’ve looked at it in an objective light, they’ve turned out to be mere misinterpretations?
The answers could only be verified if you communicate sincerely and with an open mind.
Talk to Them
Find time when you can sit down together calmly, and broach the subject in an objective manner free of judgment and blaming. Let your partner know how you feel, and what made you feel that way. Be specific about your observations and let them know that their behavioral changes are causes of concern for you. Let them know that they can trust you with whatever it is that is bothering them, and that you will go through it together with rationality and maturity.
Talk to your Friends or Family
Sometimes talking to your friends or family can offer a much clearer picture of the situation. Often they also know your spouse so they can help to give you a reality check as to whether your fears are unfounded or not. But most of all it can be really powerful just to talk to someone about what’s on your mind.
They can help you make a plan that is a lot more reasonable than if you are stuck in your own head, building up anger. They can also be there to support you the whole time, whatever the outcome.
The Aftermath
Should it turn out that it’s nothing more than your partner finding new patterns or discovering new things, good for you – you can rest easy tonight. But if you discover something less positive, such as unresolved trauma, mental or physical afflictions, offer support, and with their consent, arrange to have them helped by someone who can do so competently. Remember, in these instances, they really need your support and you should not blame them for not telling you immediately.
However, should you – heaven forbid – find out something much more serious such as an affair, take another step back and assess the situation: should you pursue fixing the relationship, or are you being given the grace of dodging a bullet?
Relationships are complex, and it takes two to tango. If your partner is unwilling to dance, you can either seek the help of a counselor, or prepare to move on to a new chapter. If the trust in a relationship is gone, this can be a nail in the coffin for your relationship.
It can be an emotionally overwhelming time but you should always try to stay calm and act rationally. Don’t lash out physically or emotionally, compose yourself and ensure that you mean what you say.
Also be open to changes that you yourself can make. Sometimes you will have done nothing to deserve your partner hiding something from you, but other times it could be because you have been judgemental, overbearing or uncompassionate in the past. If your partner doesn’t feel like they can share innocent things with you, it’s now your job to change.
