If your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband (partner) wants to sleep alone in a separate bed, you might be feeling a little bit concerned and unsure what this means. You might not yet have asked them directly or perhaps you have and received a rather unconvincing answer.

If there’s not a blatantly obvious reason why your partner wants to sleep alone then it’s normal to be concerned. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything serious so it’s not worth panicking until you know more. There may be a simple, harmless reason why they like sleeping on their own, or if there is something wrong with the relationship it doesn’t mean its terminal.

We’ve drilled down into some of the most common explanations which should hopefully help you approach the situation in a healthy, constructive way.

She Has Trouble Sleeping

Woman with duvet over ears, having trouble sleeping

Firstly, you should consider whether it’s simply that she has trouble sleeping in a shared bed and needs her own space to properly drop off. Many people have sleep issues and if this is the case then it’s nothing you should worry about or attempt to intervene with. In fact, you should support your partner and help in any way you can.

If this worries you it might be because you have traditional views on “the marital bed” and the idea that partners should always share a bed. Unfortunately in this case the solution is that you should work hard to adjust your thinking. The most important thing should be your partner’s comfort, regardless of whether that comes at the cost of your long-held expectations.

They Are Annoyed With You

Annoyed woman with folded arms

There is a very real possibility that your partner wants to sleep alone because they are annoyed at you. This could either be something relatively minor or it could be major, particularly if they if they have nowhere else they can go. If your partner has their own place or easy access to family and they are sleeping separately at your house, then it’s a pretty good guess that the issue is minor.

Being annoyed at you and sleeping separately in your house for a prolonged period of time is not a mature way to handle a disagreement. You would be right to be frustrated with them in this situation, but you should always be civil and approach a conversation in a mature way, even if they aren’t being mature.

If they have no where else to go and it seems like they are annoyed with you, this could perhaps be a major issue in your relationship and may even be fatal. They may be spending this time alone because they can’t bear to be near you, they are trying to work out what they should do, or they are actively trying to sort out alternative accommodation.

This can be a very distressing situation for both of you. You may be able to approach talks with your partner but you need to be very careful with how you handle them. Women in particular are disproportionately the victims of domestic violence, so there is a chance that they may not be saying something because they are worried about how you might react.

If you think this could be a possibility you should take active steps to ensure that they feel safe and that they know you won’t try to stop them from leaving if that’s what they want to do. As heartbreaking as that might be, if your partner has made up their mind that they want to leave then that is what is going to happen.

Snoring

Man snoring in bed, woman covering ears with pillow

Another possibility is that you snore or make a lot of noise in your sleep. That can be really difficult for some people and they may have a very difficult time sharing a bed, if that is the case.

Usually a partner will politely let you know that you snore and it’s keeping them awake. However, they may want to spare your feelings and have moved into the other bedroom without saying anything. That’s not ideal from them because it has kept you guessing. If you are aware that you have snoring issues perhaps ask them if that’s the reason why and let them know that you won’t be offended.

Again, if that is the case, you should help your partner in any way you can. Whether that be buying snoring aids or by allowing them flexibility with their sleeping arrangements.

Give Her Time

Sometimes we can want to solve issues immediately whereas others need time to reflect and think about things. Allow them to do that and come to you in their own time. You just need to be a good partner

If they are ignoring you for attention, this is not a mature way to handle a relationship. If you are a young person in a relationship then this will be much more common and, if you want to stay together, you should expect that your partner will eventually grow out of it. Be sure not to stoop to their level, however. If this is the case then you have a legitimate reason to be frustrated but you should still practice healthy communication methods, there is no need to play tit for tat.

Talk To Her

Couple talking with coffee

The obvious solution is to talk to your partner and try to get to the bottom of the issue if there even is one. Talking is always the healthy way to collectively figure out a problem and take steps to avoid it in the future.

It may be that there is a temporary issue that you can resolve or it might be something much more serious. Either way, it is better to find out than to be frustrated that you don’t know what’s going on.

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