If your partner wants to talk on the phone every night but you don’t have the energy, you’re not alone – especially in long-distance and newer relationships. This is a very similar problem to your partner talking too much or your partner wanting to spend all their time with you.

As with most relationship problems, being honest with your partner is the first step. Still, setting boundaries for communication with your partner can be difficult. Let’s get into it. 

Understand why your Partner Wants to Talk so Much

Think about your relationship status and what your partner is expecting. This is the first step to bringing up your concerns. Why do you think they want to talk so much? 

You might be in a new relationship and these nightly calls are what they expect. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, calling regularly may be a way for them to make up for the time apart. They might also have an anxious attachment style and feel the need to have constant contact. 

Whatever the reason is, take a moment to understand where your partner is coming from. 

Understand why you Want to Talk Less

If you have this problem, it’s clear you have different needs and different attachment styles. So, consider why you want to talk less. 

You might work a lot and don’t always have the energy to talk on the phone. Or, you might not feel like you have enough to talk about to hold a conversation every night. Perhaps you feel trapped in the relationship and exhausted by it all.

Use this as an opportunity to think more in-depth about your relationship. However, just because you don’t want to talk as much as they do doesn’t mean there are any major issues. 

Regardless of the conclusion you come to, remember your feelings are valid. Also, your partner deserves to hear the truth about how you feel. 

Bring up the Issue with your Partner

Couple talking, sitting down

Once you’ve thought about the situation from both sides, bring it up with your partner. Although we can’t give you a script to follow, here are a few tips:

  • Start by addressing their feelings
  • Tell them how you feel about calling every night
  • Figure out a compromise on how often to call

You can start calling less and less until you find a balance that feels right to you. Or, you can avoid calling altogether for a while to give yourself a reset. 

Whatever you decide on, communicate with your partner every step of the way. 

This is also a good test for newer relationships. Your partner may not be open to your needs and will refuse to compromise. Understand that this is a big red flag, as open communication is a key to any healthy relationship. 

Talking on the phone every day is a lot. There’s nothing wrong with setting this boundary if you don’t enjoy being in such constant contact. 

If you want to talk less, the first step is communicating your needs with your partner. Remember that although you may prefer to talk less, this doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t working.